Things I Said Before Coffee That I Now Regret
(Because Uncaffeinated Me Is... Unreliable at Best)
Let’s face it: before that first glorious sip of coffee, we’re all just hollow versions of ourselves—tired, foggy, slightly irrational, and highly prone to snapping at the dog for breathing too loud.
Coffee isn’t just a pick-me-up. It’s a filter. A buffer. A kindness enhancer. And without it, things can and will be said that we can’t take back.
Here are a few choice quotes from pre-caffeinated me that I now deeply regret.
1. “I don’t even need coffee today.”
😂 Lies.
This sentence usually precedes a full-blown meltdown over someone spilling cereal or touching me with sticky fingers.
2. “Sure, I’ll fold the laundry real quick.”
Said at 6:45 a.m.
Before caffeine.
Before consciousness.
Before I realized that 90% of the laundry wasn’t even mine.
3. “No screen time today!”
LOL.
Let’s circle back after nap refusal and four snack requests before 9:00 a.m.
4. “I’ll eat after I get the kids settled.”
Cut to me at 11:43 a.m., dizzy and feral, eating a crust from someone’s toast and questioning my life choices.
5. “I’m not even I’m that tired.”
This one’s just dangerous.
It sets the tone for an entire day of trying to be Supermom, only to crash at 3:00 p.m. mid-sentence and possibly cry into a basket of laundry.
6. “Let’s go to Target real quick.”
With two kids. Before coffee.
What was I thinking?!
Spoiler: it was not quick. And we came home with five things we didn’t need and three emotional wounds.
7. “I’ll just drink my coffee after I...”
No. Stop.
That sentence never ends well.
There’s no "after I" in motherhood. There's only now—and maybe reheating it three times.
☕ Final Sip
Listen, we’ve all said things in a pre-caffeinated haze that we later regretted.
That’s why, at Mommy Needs A Fix, we say: coffee first, chaos second.
So here’s your permission slip to ignore everyone until that mug hits your lips.
No guilt. No shame. No promises made before caffeine.
Because you deserve to start your day with clarity, calm… and coffee.
